


how much can you fit under your skin?

by hero_is_here



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Body Horror, Date Rape Drug/Roofies, Gender Identity, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-08
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:40:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23550049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hero_is_here/pseuds/hero_is_here
Summary: Gerry has a crush on the golden-haired, baby-faced assistant of Gertrude's, but is at least 70% sure Michael hates him.Michael is lowkey terrified of the hot goth man Gertrude adopted into the Institute. Especially when he's always staring.
Relationships: Gerard Keay/Michael Shelley
Comments: 4
Kudos: 107





	1. the one where michael gets indoctrinated into a cult

**Author's Note:**

> ok so i'm not used to writing fanfic so uhh. yeah. enjoy. also title is from jukebox the ghost - under your skin.

Michael didn’t know much about Gerard Keay. Gerard obviously dyed his own hair, he was very hot, and he has a bit of a staring problem. Michael was a bit put-off by his intense… look at first. But Gertrude vouched for him and that’s all Michael needed to not be absolutely terrified of the goth. Michael was polite, but when Gerard has intense, dark eyes that made him want to run far, far away. And he was staring again.

Michael tried to focus on the laptop, but his eyes continued to drift towards Gerard, who didn’t even try to hide that he was staring. Michael tapped his desk three times before getting up and speed walking to the breakroom. He let out a sigh of relief as soon as he was out of Gerard’s sight. He ran his hands through his chopped hair. He had cut it again in a fit of dysphoria, even though he had worked to grow it that length. His eyes darted around the breakroom, before landing on the teakettle. Tea, yes, that will probably calm his nerves. 

Nearly everything about Gerard set Michael wrapped his stomach up in knots. Sure, you might think having a hot dude stare at you all day would be good, but Michael was as neurotic as a teen on their first date. He poured his tea and added a drop of honey, before heading back to his desk. He was hyping himself up to face Gerard once more, but found Gertrude talking to him. She immediately quieted down as Michael entered. 

“Ah, Michael. I need you two to interview a statement-giver for me,” she stated.

“O-oh. Of course, Miss Robinson,” Michael beamed. But did she really need both of them to go? Michael had surely shown not to be totally imcompetent. He looked down at the tea he had yet to take a sip of.

|||

Gerry was not good with emotions. Expressing or recognizing them. He guessed it was from years of neglect and emotional abuse at the hands of his late mother. And Gerry has never really liked someone. Not how he liked the angelic assistant of Gertrude. Michael was gorgeous, baby-faced, and it killed Gerry. He’s never had friends, so how was he supposed to talk to someone he had a crush on. 

Gerry immediately lit a cigarette as they exited the Institute. Michael looked over at him, and Gerry pointed the carton at him. “D’you smoke?” he asked awkwardly.

“Oh, no thank you.”

Gerry managed a polite smile and shoved the carton in his pocket. Gerry trailed behind Michael, struggling to keep up with the blond’s long legs. He sighed ever-so-slightly. He knew he never would have a chance with Michael. In fact, Gerry was at least seventy-percent sure Michael hated him. He wasn’t sure if it was his issues with picking up social cues or what, but he definitely got the feeling Michael certainly didn’t like him.  
The way to the statement-giver, Jeremy Werner’s, home was awkward, to say the least. Everything between Gerard and Michael always seems awkward and tense. On the stairs to Werner’s flat, Gerry stopped Michael. “So. Gertrude warned me this guy might be…” An Avatar of the Hive, “...dangerous.”

“D… dangerous? What do you-”

“I’m just saying that we need to be cautious.”

Michael stared. Gerry shouldn’t have brought it up, God, why did he even bring it up-

Gerry broke eye contact and headed up the stairs, rubbing his temples on the way up. Eventually, he heard Michael following behind. Standing in front of the door, Gerry reached out to knock. The silence was deafening before the door slowly creaked open. Gerry saw a few flies exit through the crack. “Yyyes?” the voice creaked out. Gerry couldn’t make out anything other than one eye peering out at them. 

“Um, hello, are you Jeremy Werner? We’re from the Mag-” the door slammed in their faces, interrupting Michael. “A-alright then.”

The sound of clanking came from inside, before the door swung open. Gerry and Michael both jumped back. A man stood in the doorframe, hatred emanating from his eyes. Flies flew around him and out the door. He seemed to be slightly rotting; he was missing an eye, part of his nose was missing, and his lips were torn off. White things, most likely maggots, crawled around in his eye socket. The smell of sickness wafted from the man.

“The… Mmmmmagnus Institute… Can the Cssseaseless Watcher not ssee mmme now?” the man demanded.

Michael gagged and covered his mouth. The man stepped out and reached out to Michael. Cockroaches crawled out of his sleeve towards Michael. Gerry kicked the man in the stomach with his platforms. A squelching sound was heard as his boot went through the man. Gerry’s eyes widened and attempted to remove his foot from the rotting man and his bugs. Another squelching sound as the shoe left. Gerry grabbed the edge of the door and slammed it on the man. He grabbed Michael’s hand and ran. 

Michael dragged behind him for a moment before taking off with Gerry. They did not stop until they were at least three blocks from the apartment building. Gerry and Michael stopped, breathing heavily. Gerry could see in Michael’s eyes that he had never seen anything like that. Michael had never believed in the statements, they couldn’t be real. Gerry suddenly realized he was still holding onto Michael’s hand. He gently released Michael’s hand. 

Michael slowly looked up at Gerry. “W-what was that?”

“That was, uh. That was Jeremy Werner. He was… well, he was corrupted.”

“What do you mean, corrupted?”

Gerry could definitely answer that question. He wasn’t sure what Gertrude would say about him spilling all the secrets about the entities. No, she should’ve thought about that before sending them on a mission to interview a living corpse.

“There are these entities. They are manifestations of our fears...”

|||

After the new revelations, Michael wasn’t sure of anything. He was certain of one thing. Gerard did not stare at him because he hated him. If Gerard hated him, he wouldn’t have saved Michael from the thing that was once Jeremy Werner. It was coming for him after all, not Gerard. Michael was going to make a point to be nicer to Gerard. At least not act like a scared little kid. 

“Gerard-“

“Gerry. Call me Gerry.”

“Alright, Gerry. So, the Institute is controlled by one of these fears-“

“Yeah, the Eye.”

“-Why does this place still run? If anybody knew it was run by a… a fear god, they would quit, wouldn’t they?”

“Well, you’ve worked there for how long and never knew? It isn’t exactly common knowledge. And those who do know… they can’t exactly quit.”

Michael stared at Gerry. “Can’t quit? What do you…”

“It’s… hard to explain. Gertrude wouldn’t be able to quit, I wouldn’t be able to quit, and-“

“And I wouldn’t be able to quit. Y-you mean I’m stuck there?”

“I think so.”

Michael ran his hands through his hair. His heart began picking up speed and his thoughts were going a mile a minute. Gerry saw the panic rising in his eyes and gently grabbed his shoulder. “Hey, it’s alright. You’re not alone, okay? You don’t- you don’t have to deal with this by yourself.”  
Michael stared in Gerry’s brown eyes; what he once thought of as dark and intense were now warm and caring. He could feel his anxiety melt away under Gerry’s look. He felt a fluttering feeling in the pit of his stomach and his face grew warm.

Gerry suddenly looked away and unclasped Michael’s shoulders. “We should- uh, head back to the Institute.”

“I- uh- I- y-yeah,” was all Michael could stutter out. Gerry started walking, lighting a cigarette as he moved. Michael slowly trailed behind, coming to a realization. And that realization was that he, Michael Shelley, may be in love with Gerard Keay.


	2. and they were roommates

Gerry stayed outside to finish his cigarette, telling Michael he should go ahead inside. As soon as the door closed, he let go of a breath he had been holding. He finally interacted with Michael in something more than a “good morning” or a “see you tomorrow.” He smiled to himself and stamped out the cigarette. 

Inside the Archives, Gertrude was already talking to Michael, probably hoping to get the rundown of their interview. Her face was placid, so he already knew something was wrong. She gave him a dark look as he entered the room. 

“A-and then, it reached out for me and- and-”

“Maybe I should take a statement from you. The both of you,” Gertrude said, stopping Michael in his tracks.

Oh- oh, yeah,” Michael said with a little laugh. He didn’t laugh often, but the sound made Gerry’s heart ache.

“I’ll talk to Gerard first,” she said, nodding towards her office. Gerry followed her inside and shut the door behind him. 

“You told him?”

“I had to, Gertrude. There isn’t exactly a rational explanation for a living corpse.”

“Corpse? The statement made him seem Corruption-aligned.”

“I mean, there were certainly bugs,” Gerry shrugged. “But he was rotting. I figure the Corruption is just at fault for what’s happened to him.” 

Gertrude sighed. “How much does he know?”

“Just about everything. I mean, I didn’t explain each individual power, but he knows what they are.”

“And?”

Gerry frowned. “And about the Institute. That he can’t leave.”

Gertrude sighed once more. “I- Hm,” She stopped herself. “I suppose it’s not the worst thing that he knows. Just makes things difficult.”

“Difficult? What do you mean, difficult?” Gerry furrowed his brow.

“Oh, never mind. Go on, send him in after you.”

Gerry looked into Gertrude’s eyes, but she avoided his gaze. He sighed through his nose and exited her office. Outside, Michael sat at his desk. The golden-haired boy looked up at Gerry as he entered. 

“Oh! I-I made you some tea,” Michael stood up, offering Gerry a mug with little tree patterns. “I wasn’t sure how you liked it, so I just…”

“I’m sure it’ll be fine,” Gerry said, smiling softly at Michael. The smile immediately disappeared. “She wants to take your statement now.”

Michael nodded and entered her office. Gerry sat down at his desk with a sigh. He sipped the tea and groaned, covering his face with his hands. 

|||

Time had flown. After their encounter with the thing and giving his statement to Gertrude, it was just about time to clock out for Michael. He hummed as he arranged his desk and shut off his computer. Gerry was still here, though. Well, he always was, Michael just assumed he worked later. 

“You know, Gerry,” Michael started, causing Gerry to look up from a statement he was reading. “I don’t think you’ve ever clocked out before me. You always leave after me and get here before I do.”

Gerry put the statement on his desk. “Yeah, well, I don’t exactly… leave? I sleep here. There’s a cot in one of the storage rooms back there and I-” he interrupted himself, seeing Michael’s surprised reaction.

“You… live here?”

“Well, yeah.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? I could’ve-”

“You never asked,” Gerry said, confusion spread across his face. He anxiously rubbed one of the tattoos on his index finger. “We’ve never really talked before today.” 

“Wow, I really am kind of a dick, huh?” Michael said. 

“Oh, no, God, no,” Gerry said, taken back a bit. “I just have problems talking to people sometimes and I-”

“You can stay at my place,” Michael said quickly. His heart began beating fast and he felt his ears grow red hot. “Until we can find you a flat.”

“Oh, no, I couldn’t do that to you. And I’m fine here,” Gerry said.

“No, it’s my pleasure. I mean, my sofa can’t be much better than a cot, but it’s not a dusty old archive.” 

Gerry stared at Michael for a moment. “I- uh- o- okay.”

Michael beamed, “Great! You can just grab all your stuff and we could head that way.”

Gerry nodded. He didn’t have much after what happened with his mother. He was mostly living out of a suitcase until he came to Gertrude. It would be nice to have an actual bathroom and a kitchen. 

|||

Michael always thought he had a nice flat. He was pretty organized, which was one of the reasons the archives always stressed him out. He wasn’t sure how Gertrude managed to work in that mess. He was glad his flat was actually clean right now, which is not something he thought of before inviting Gerry to live with him. He still couldn’t believe he did it. Invited his crush to live with him. He was gonna have a hot goth man living in his flat. The thought of it made him a little giddy. 

He was worried. Gerry had next to nothing. Which was surprising, to say the least. It wasn’t a small suitcase, but he wasn’t sure how Gerry had managed to live like that. Michael had tried to ask about it, but Gerry got all quiet and broody. Maybe he had overstepped, but Michael did not know a lot about Gerry, other than that Gertrude had helped him and now he was an assistant.

Of course, Michael didn’t want to pry. Well, he did, but that was mostly the influence of the Eye. He glanced up from his kitchen counter at Gerry, sitting on his sofa. The goth unlaced his boots, grimacing at the goop left over from his interaction with the Corrupted man. He looked up, causing Michael to stop his staring. 

“I’m going to take a shower, if you don’t mind,” Gerry said. 

“Oh, yeah, of course. It’s just down the hall, first door on the left.”

Gerry nodded at Michael and headed that way. Michael made a few spirals with his fingers until Gerry made it into the bathroom. He hummed as he made up the sofa at least somewhat nicer. A sheet stuffed into the crevices of the seat, a few pillows, and a duvet. He shut off a few lights on his way to his bedroom, leaving only the hallway light and a lamp in the living room on. 

Michael woke up hungry. The sound of sizzling and the smell of eggs did not help. He slowly rolled off his bed and into the kitchen. Gerry was making breakfast. He was already dressed and had his long hair in a messy bun. Michael could see the blonde roots fighting off the dye at the edges of his scalp. 

“Good morning,” Gerry said. 

Michael squinted his tired eyes. “Morning… what are you doing?”

“Oh, uh-” Gerry looked panicked. “I- I figured it would be okay. I mean, you’re letting me stay here, it’s the least I could do, make breakfast…”

Michael let out a small laugh. “I’m… not complaining.”

Gerry let out a small relieved breath. Michael sat down across the counter as Gerry put the eggs on a plate with a spatula. “I wasn’t sure how you took them, so I figured scrambled was a safe call?”

Michael took in a mouthful. “Oh, yeah,” he said, still chewing. “Oh, my God, where did you learn to cook? I didn’t exactly expect someone like… you to know to cook.”

“I was left alone a lot as a kid. Eventually, you pick up a few things.”

That statement alone piqued Michael’s interest. Gerry was a mystery wrapped in a quandary. Michael still didn’t push, but reminded himself to do a bit of research on his goth friend.


	3. the one where gerard gets super drunk

Gerry found he and Michael’s newfound friendship a bit strange. Especially on the subway back from the Institute. Gerry’s dark look deeply contrasted how bright and flowery Michael dressed. Maybe that’s why Michael was a bit tense on the way back to his flat. Nothing really interesting happened at the Institute today, nothing like the day before. Yet about halfway through the day, Michael and Gerry’s friendly banter had come to a complete halt. It made him nervous.

He anxiously rubbed his eye tattoos, a bad habit as hand tattoos had to be frequently touched up anway and rubbing away the ink did not help. Inside the flat, Gerry immediately landed on the couch. Unlacing his boots, he looked up at Michael, who was definitely looking at him strangely. Almost afraid.

“I- I wanna talk to you about something,” Michael said. Gerry frowned, was he already getting kicked out on day two? 

“Okay?”

“Well- okay, well some of the things you say in passing made me worried. So, I- I looked you up.”

Gerry sighed and stood up. “Michael-”

“Did you murder your mother? Because it-it certainly seems like you did. And that she was ritualistically torn up and then the evidence mysteriously disappeared. I mean, with all this- this weird stuff you told me about it certainly seems-seems like you killed-”

“Michael-”

“And I invited you to my home! And you-you-you killed your mother! How could-”

“Michael.”

Michael had begun breathing heavily and wringing his hands. Gerry took a step towards him and he took a step back. Gerry sighed. “I didn’t kill my mother, okay? Sometimes- well, sometimes I wish I had, but I didn’t. My mother collected books, Leitners, like in the statements. She tried to bind herself to this one book and it didn’t work that well. And they thought I did it, but I didn’t.”

Michael looked suspiciously at Gerry as he approached slowly. “But you never mentioned-”

“Because that woman tortured me my entire childhood,” Gerry snapped. “And continued even after- after she died. Gertrude helped me get rid of her.”

Gerry grabbed Michael’s wrists and looked into his eyes. Michael’s green eyes scanned Gerry’s face, looking for a twitch, any evidence that he was lying. “Okay. I believe you.”

Gerry released a sigh of relief. “Thank you,” he said quietly. He released Michael and flopped back onto the sofa. “I need a drink.”

|||

So, now Michael felt like a total dick. Yes, just ignore your traumatized coworker, then when you become friends, accuse him of murder. Very nice of him. 

“Well, there’s a pub a few blocks away, if you’re up for it. We don’t have work tomorrow,” Michael said, with an unconvincing smile. He definitely had to make up for this blunder. Getting blackout drunk probably wasn’t a good way, but at least he could not think about this for a few hours. Gerry looked up at Michael.

“Oh, what the hell, let’s get fucked up.”

They didn’t talk on the way there. Not really an issue, it wasn’t too long of a walk. It was awkward between them, again. Michael wanted to slam his head through a door. As soon as they hit the pub, Gerry made a beeline for the bar. Michael sighed and slowly followed him. The bar had a ton of people, which made Michael extremely nervous. It was pretty early in the night, it hadn’t even hit ten yet. Which meant everyone and their mother was here. When Michael approached the bar, Gerry was already downing a shot.

“Hey, I’m really-”

Gerry looked over at him. “What?” The sound of everyone in the bar was near deafening.

“I said, I’m sorry,” Michael said, just at a volume that Gerry could hear and hopefully no one else.

Gerry clenched his teeth. “S’fine,” he shouted and immediately ordered another shot. After plenty of shots, Gerry disappeared into the crowd, leaving Michael alone and sipping on a fruity drink with a ridiculous name. 

Michael played on his phone for a couple hours, downing two or three of the little drinks. On his fourth, a handsome man in a suit approached him. 

“You here alone?” the man asked. Michael could actually hear him, he realized. The crowd had died down a bit. There were still a lot of people, but it wasn’t nearly as loud.

“I- uh,” Michael looked around and did not see Gerry. “Yeah- yup, here alone.”

The man took the seat next to him, where Gerry had sat when they first arrived. A conversation was definitely occuring, but Michael was completely checked out. The man droned on and Michael could not care less. 

Suddenly, a hand landed on the man’s shoulder and whipped him around, bringing Michael out of his cloud. “Hey, dickhead,” Gerry slurred. Michael at first thought he was talking to him, but Gerry was obviously staring dead in the man’s eyes. “He’s taken. Fuck off.”

The man scoffed and shoved Gerry. Gerry gave him an intense look, and the man shrunk away for a second before walking off. Michael gave Gerry a strange drink.

“He was trying to fuck with your drink,” Gerry said. “You need to pay better attention.”

Michael immediately looked at the fruity drink. “Shit. I- uh, wh-”

“Come on, let’s get outta here,” Gerry said, already pulling Michael towards the exit. Michael was a bit tipsy, but he could tell Gerry was piss drunk.

The chill air outside of the pub was bliss on Michael’s skin. “I think I drank too much,” said, swaying despite standing still.

“Alright,” Michael said, putting one of Gerry’s arms over his shoulder. Gerry stumbled along as Michael walked him toward the flat. Gerry was warm against Michael’s side. He leaned into Michael, causing Michael’s face to heat up. 

“‘M sorry,” Gerry said, words partially muffled by Michael’s side.

“What have you got to be sorry for?” Michael said. “If anything, I should be-”

“No, no,” Gerry interrupted Michael. “‘M bad at talkin’ to people. Never really had a… friend before. Dunno how to talk.”

Michael laughed. “You don’t need to be sorry for that,” he said, softly. The rest of the way was pretty quiet. Once into the flat, Michael helped Gerry take off his jacket. “Let’s get you into bed.”

Gerry suddenly grabbed Michael by the shoulders, scaring Michael. He then cupped Michael’s face. A few thousand thoughts ran through Michael’s head, mostly focusing on kissing. Gerry looked into Michael’s eyes and smiled. “You are, without a doubt, the most gorgeous man I’ve ever met.”

Then, Gerry fell backwards onto the couch, passing out as soon as he hit the cushions. Michael reached up where Gerry had cupped his face with an incredulous look. He shut off all the lights in the flat as he headed to his bedroom. Laying on his bed, he thought to himself. He should definitely get Gerry drunk more often.

|||

Gerry woke up with the worst hangover he’d ever had. He woke up already groaning. “Good morning,” Michael shouted from across the room. Gerry immediately started to groan louder. 

“Too loud,” he mumbled. Michael rolled his eyes.

“Get up, you need fluids.”

“Mm-mm.”

“Christ, Gerry. I will come over there and grab you.”

Gerry peered at him from beyond the couch. His blurred vision from tired eyes made Michael look like an angel, with a halo of gold. He rubbed his eyes and sat up. He eventually wandered to the counter and sat, immediately laying his head down on the cool surface. 

“So, uh, are we good?” Michael asked, nervousness rattling each word. Gerry looked up at Michael’s worried expression and smiled.

“Yeah. We’re good.”

Michael breathed a sigh of relief. “Well, I-I was worried. I mean- we talked last night, but I wasn’t sure how much you remembered.”

Gerry rubbed his temples. “I remember everything, I’m pretty sure,” he said.

“I-including-”

“Including what I said before I passed out.”

This was probably some kind of Eye thing, being able to remember everything while he was indisposed. So, he had to remember the stupid things he said and did. Which included calling Michael gorgeous. Michael laughed, a nervous laugh to break the silence.

“Well, you’re not so bad looking yourself.”

Gerry groaned and covered his face. He was pretty good at hiding his emotions, but Michael calling him good-looking might be a bit too much. Better to pass it off as embarrassment. He peeked at Michael from between his fingers. He was smiling, but his eyes showed the smallest bit of… disappointment? Did he think Gerry regretted calling him gorgeous? It was a fluke, not a drunk confession. Gerry thought about just letting it all out, letting Michael know how he felt. But no words came out. Gerry would never be too good about expressing his emotions.

Gerry stood up and walked around the counter to face Michael. He looked startled at the sudden movement. 

“I- uh- can- can I kiss you?” Gerry said it so quickly, trying to push out all the words, that Michael thought he didn’t understand. But he did understand. Michael nodded. Gerry cupped Michael’s face, just like he did the night before, and planted his lips on Michael’s. He ran his fingers through Michael’s golden locks. Michael smiled into the kiss then pulled away.

“I-I have to tell you something before we, like, do the whole romance thing,” he said, a worried look spread across his face. Gerry swore every other emotion for Michael was worry. “I-I’m trans.”

Gerry laughed. “Michael, I don’t care if you’re trans. I’d be into you no matter what, nothing as simple as that could drive me away.”

Michael laughed that beautiful, bone-rattling laugh. And they kissed again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so. this may be the end. i originally wanted it to go longer but i kind of like this as an ending. however i didnt hit some things i wanted too, so i may end up doing a part 2


End file.
